Absolutely Fun and True Facts, Chapter One: I Am Defamed
Dear readers,
I’m working my way through a draft of my dissertation prospectus, with a little help from Soren Kierkegaard’s Stages on Life’s Way. I’m also really enjoying teaching Persuasion and The Bluest Eye. However, I couldn’t help but notice that me, my blog, and the Valve, where of course I cross-post most of what I write, were all nominated for various piercingly satiric blog Oscars at a blog called Parody Center. Scott Kaufman has the story over at Acephalous, and I recommend that you go there rather than clicking over to the howling, schizophrenic void of the Center itself. But maybe you don’t care that the Center is not safe for work, or maybe you work somewhere where jpegs of self-violating golden statues are the norm, in which case I grudgingly provide you the following link to the thing-in-itself.
Here is an important quotation from this post, in which I am nominated for Aristocratic Parody:
Dr. Josephina Kugelmass’ Romantic Tantrum ( https://kugelmass.wordpress.com/)
for cooking her own elitist Ratatouille; for being timid and restrained in her criticism of dr. Slovenly Zizek;
In this quote, there are several inaccuracies. To begin with, my first name is Joseph. It is not so much that I am offended by the thought of being called “Josephina,” as it is that Josephina Kugelmass is a travel agent who lives in Wichita, and I don’t want to see her or her family adversely affected by my blog. Also, this text (at Parody Center) genders me as a woman. While my gender categories are in no way “fixed” or stable in their significations, I have seen almost every episode of The Sopranos, and have enjoyed them. I also recently listened to practically all of AC/DC’s album Back in Black, last Thursday I think.
My blog is unabashedly romantic. Reading my blog is like drinking a rosewater piña colada on the island of Capri. In general, though, these authors use the word “romantic” so often that it really starts to lose all meaning, like when you buy too many Godiva chocolates and they end up tasting odd, as though somebody had melted saran wrap into them. They call the Valve neo-Romantic, and so forth. I picture them pretending to like conceptual art on a daily basis.
With respect to the charge of elitism, I would like to dispel any rumors once and for all by announcing that I am always looking for ways of achieving lower culture. If there is anyone who can suggest a complete anti-elitist program, I promise to put on hold what I am currently doing with my free time, which is watching Entourage, playing Texas Hold ‘Em poker, planning a belated birthday trip to Las Vegas for New Year’s, and listening to Young Jeezy and Celine Dion. As anyone who knows me can tell you, that is not even a little bit a joke.
I was timid and restrained in my criticisms of Zizek, so let me remedy the situation. One time Zizek came to Irvine to speak, and he told an extended story about the function of obscene and offensive jokes as a bonding ritual in the Yugoslav Army. Allow me to say, ruthlessly if you please, that these jokes, all of which he repeated for our benefit, were kind of boring. Dr. Zizek, hear me roar: YOU HAD TO BE THERE.
I also recently listened to practically all of AC/DC’s album Back in Black, last Thursday I think.
Uh huh. Can you provide documentation? If not, the Council cannot consider this evidence.
per AC/DC – no further proof of your manhood required!
Entourage? Seriously?
Brandon — totally. Me and her just finished Season 2.
Dr Kugelmass, thank you for this wonderful foray into irrelevant narcissism; for a moment I thought I could fit you somewhere in the Most Narcissistic Blawg Personality of the Year category, but you don’t really stand a chance against Le Colonel Chabert.
As for your gender confusion, I have to ask my parody correspondent de Camembert whether he might be willing to help; there’s a long line of lingerie bottoms waiting for assistance. I would certainly advise you to replace the SOPRANOS with something more substantial, QUEER AS FOLK perhaps (but then the original British version).
Not the vulgar, pornographic American version.
I have an idea– how about a post on comparative lesbian imagery in Henry & June vs Mulholland Drive.
Lets your burnish your feminist credentials while bringing out the Henry Miller in all of us.
Parody Center,
Y’all are so terminally confused that I don’t know what to recommend, but I will say that when I read your comment, I allowed myself to hope that you actually read the blog called irrelevant narcissism, which is consistently underrated, always provocative.
Paul, you are a genius. Your proposed project, unlike watching some British television show, combines academic legitimacy with a dash of subversive boho rebelliousness. I’ll do it up style, maybe even with a paragraph about The L Word when it didn’t suck.
Irrelevant Narcissism blog seems dead, last entry in May, but a great title – it makes me think that, unlike clearly irrelevant narcissism, my own self-obsession is very relevant and even secretly productive and useful…
yes, while irrelevant narcissism may be underrated, it is most certainly underwritten.
Joseph: I was kind of hoping you would more strenuously embrace your gender switch [admittedly, albeit foisted upon you]. Always remember that being called a woman is a compliment. There is nothing better than being a woman. I speak from experience.
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