Gmail chat: Catch the fever (A Zombie Tale)

The following is a chat between myself (JK) and Sad King Jonathan (SKJ), from 10:20 this morning.

SKJ: What are you up to?

JK: Just drinking heavily and listening to Mozart, what about you?

SKJ: Right. Scotch and Toast. My favorite mixed drink.

JK: Actually I’m going to go finish The Rebel, which is incredibly good

SKJ: Sitting here, responding to myspace messages and thinking about reading some zombie comics instead of The Tale of Heike

JK: Right.

SKJ: I haven’t ever read the whole thing.

JK: petitpoussin recently confided to me that one of her favorite pastimes is watching one of the zombie classics (she includes 28 Days Later in the classics category) and then figuring out a survival plan for her house
I responded to that by telling her about my amazing zombie-dodging linebacker skills

SKJ: I had a whole Zombie Safety Squad as an undergrad.

JK: For serious?

SKJ: We only assembled after drunk o’clock at night.
When I use expressions like, “you are on the team.”
or You’ll never make the team like that.
I am referring to the ZSS Strike Team.

JK: OK, sweet, now I know. And knowing…
That’s great. Do you guys have a site I could add to my ZSS feeder?

SKJ: is all hat and no cattle.
Wait.
I know this.
There should be one, huh?

JK: Yes

SKJ: A little leering skull button on things.
So you can share them to Zss.

JK: Exactly
You can put all the best sites for baseball bats and chainsaws up at “your z.omb.ie”

SKJ: Are you a wood man or an aluminum man?
Remember, you ARE being scored.

JK: Wood!
Aluminum makes a crappy sound when you watch the College World Series
And I have to assume that will also be true fighting zombies

SKJ: An interesting aesthetic choice.

JK: Plus, better weight balance

SKJ: The preferred answer is aluminum, of course, because it won’t break.
And a broken bat in a crowd of zombies is no way to go out.
You can’t even go out swinging, in that case.

JK: Aluminum, interestingly enough, does break, and can be extremely dangerous because the splinters explode out from the bat at a very high speed

SKJ: The ZSS is known for its practicality. Not its pizzazz.
Even better!

JK: And getting brained by an aluminum shard is no way to go out, that’s what the zombies want

SKJ: Now it’s a fragmentation grenade going off in your hands.
So, it seems that all weapons have their perils.

JK: Anybody who uses aluminum loves zombies and probably has secret zombie lovers

SKJ: I guess that finall explains why my ex Jessica
insisted on that bat made of diamond.
And why the Zombies adopted diamond cutter teeth in the third year of the war.

JK: As long as somebody is carrying around a little boombox playing the de Beers diamond classical theme, I’m fine with it. So elegant! The other person would fight the zombies. It’s like how old British armies used to have drummers

SKJ: Is that the one that uses Vivaldi?

JK: Is that what it is?

SKJ: The ones with the black backrounds and silhouttes.

JK: Exactly!

SKJ: Yeah, I think it’s one of the Four Seasons.

JK: Except with the addition of a thousand slowly moving silhouettes of the living dead

SKJ: But we could find out pretty easily.
So, even those who like diamonds are zombie lovers, now?
It sounds like your paranoia might come in handy. Then again,
it might turn against the group in dangerous and predictable ways.

JK: Look, I’D RATHER TAKE MY CHANCES WITH THE ZOMBIES THAN STAY COOPED UP IN HERE. I’m sure I’ll be fine

SKJ: Exactly the kind of attitude we don’t want. Exactly the kind of attitude the zombies want us to want.

JK: So, I think in honor of PP I’m going to publish these thoughts anonymously on the blog, con permiso

SKJ: Volontiers, monsieur.

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