Amexicanada NO MORE!


(I am deeply indebted to this article for everything that follows below.)

Dear readers,

As you know, this is usually not a political blog. But today I want to raise an issue with you that I think is extremely timely, considering that a current Presidential candidate (Donald Trump) will soon have the executive power required to make it happen.

I do not believe that the United States should continue to be part of North America.

As you know, the United States is not consistently part of the contiguous land mass known as North America. Some of it is floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and is known as “Hawaii.” Another part is actually more closely related to Siberia, both genetically and in climate, than it is to such countries as Guatemala. (I am referring to the city of Boston.)

Now of course I have heard the opinions of geographers and economic experts, who generally feel that we have “no choice” except to be part of North America. But what are the opinions of experts compared to the opinions of retired shopkeeper Fred Amistice, 65, who lives in Redding, California?

“I don’t see how being part of North America has done anything for me,” says Amistice. “We use the dollar here. Name one other country that uses the dollar!”

“Canada,” I said.

“OK, name two other countries that use the dollar!” he replied.

Having a very special currency of your own is a very unique and important thing. Having your own currency means, for example, that Hail to the Thief by Radiohead can cost the same amount, on CD, as it would take to feed an entire family for six days. And you know who agrees with me? Shelley McTaggart, 74, a model train conductor who lives in Albequerque, New Mexico.

“The United States won the Civil War,” she points out. “Did Mexico fight in our Civil War? No. No they didn’t. We managed it just fine by ourselves.”

After pouring herself a glass of water, and holding it aloft, she said, “Being on our own, independent and free, is as American as aqueducts. I can’t see any benefits that have come from sovereign nations remaining part of a larger political entity.”

Obviously, I know that this proposal comes at a moment when many are concerned that the average age of people interviewed about things is 61+. But that’s just fine with Bob Thistlewaite, 61, who still describes himself as “a whippersnapper” and a “hell-raiser,” and thinks many of his co-workers at the office would agree.

As soon as we leave North America, our job situation will improve, since voting to leave the erstwhile “continent” will convince every single American-owned corporation to voluntarily cease being multinational as well.

“We certainly cannot afford to bail out economic entities, like Italy or Portugal, that are incapable of managing their own finances,” said Reba Stone, an analyst at Goldman Sachs. Many Americans would agree, not including those who actually understand what Goldman Sachs and other banks did to countries like Portugal. But fortunately, that was so well-hidden from the general public that no matter how many petit bourgeois retirees you interview, you will never hear about it.

“There are facts, and then there are things voters believe,” Stone explains. “In a true democracy, the power belongs to the people! Facts come a distant second.”

“Abraham Lincoln would be proud of us,” says one of those guys who binge-watches The History Channel, and who likes to make up pretend quotes from dead famous people. “He’d be standing up there right now telling us ‘Secede! A house divided against itself should not stand.’ And he would be right.”


Karl Ritter in Stockholm, Sweden contributed to this article about North America.