apology not accepted

For some reason, probably the high level of snark, this blog post from Cracked.com is making the rounds.

It epitomizes everything that the Web shouldn’t be; it’s unreflective, specious, pandering.

Let’s build a better Web. Let’s start with a takedown job on “5 ways we ruined the Occupy Generation.”

5) Making you ashamed to hold menial jobs.

Ha, ha. As a nation, we should be ashamed of what we pay people who work menial jobs. The reason young people try to avoid working at MacDonald’s is not because of social stigma. It’s that employees don’t earn enough to pay their bills. Working for minimum wage isn’t shameful; it’s dangerous. This guy obviously hasn’t read Nickel and Dimed; no time like the present!

4) Implying that college would guarantee you a good job.

This never happened. Nobody thought this. Most people who heard I was majoring in English felt quite sure I WOULDN’T get a good job unless I went to law school afterward.

3) Adding seven more years to being a teenager

OK, I’ll allow it. But I won’t allow “a world that expects maturity.” Dear blogger, are YOU the world? Is Charlie Sheen, in your opinion, a mature individual?

2) Creating the idea that entertainment has no monetary value

If John Cheese (sic) can find me one person who doesn’t know that Jay-Z and J. K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer and Tobey Maguire are rich, then I will sign off on this little item. I’m not going to take the bait about pirated music, though.

1) Taking Away Every Reason To Go Outside

Really? Modern Warfare as obesity vector? If we want people to go outside, we should build better parks and better transportation systems. We should try to change the culture of irrational fear perpetuated by way crime gets reported on television. I know these things will work, because I tried them out on the island of Tropico 4, and they worked AWESOME.