I am opposed to dry wines, dark chocolate, unadulterated coffees, astringent music (like Clinic or Schoenberg), “cheese plates” for dessert, the entire life’s work of Mondrian, Scotch as opposed to bourbon, paradoxes, Marianne Moore as opposed to Elizabeth Browning, and nightspots that don’t capitalize their names and put little dots in between each letter. Against a black background.

s • w • e • e • t • n • e • s • s is the new black.

“Just try it,” I said, of the ice wine.

“It tastes like pears,” she said, going back to the glass of stout, which was the color of chocolate or coffee.

“Isn’t that good?” I said.

“Is it natural to drink dissolved pears?” she asked me.