The complicated way to simple: the complete series

Well, things have been hopping around here of late, thanks to the overnight success of Describing Your Way To Happiness. Seriously, it has just been hugely thrilling for me. You guys are the best! Even if I do still get nervous in front of the cameras. :) But actually Colbert was incredibly nice & down to earth! I’m always ready for a little bit of “razzing.” I wanted to say, Stephen, that’s Chapter Six! “Don’t Be Afraid Of Banana Peels,” am I right? But we’ll let him discover that for himself.

Anyway, people have been asking me for a list of the titles that make up my earlier, acclaimed book series, The Complicated Way to Simple, based on the teachings of Deepak Chopra, Andrew Weil, Dave Brubeck, and Manny Ramirez.

Remember, this is an eighteen part series, and each book costs only $19.99. That’s a $160 dollar value!

Here’s the complete list:

The 20 Habits of Spontaneous People

Take It From Me: You Don’t Need A Teacher

How To Convince Anyone To Purchase A Book

The Secret of Using What You Already Know

Wealth: A Spiritual Journey

Extraordinary Sufferers: A Practical Guide To Compassion

How Badly Do You Want Likability?

Overcoming The Win/Lose Mindset That Holds Others Back

Who Yodeled That Bluejay? Healthy Communicators and the Metaphor Smoothie

A Personality Test Designed For You, Your Partner, And Your Friend Samantha Who Happens To Be Standing Beside You Right Now

How To Stop Doing Things And Start Doing Things

Raising An Independent Child: The Comprehensive Guide

Surfing The Brainwave: Surprising Ways Science Is Proving The Wisdom Of The Ancients

A Hidden Code That Is Everywhere: How To Offend Anyone Who Knows About Schizophrenia Without Going Crazy

New Insights (10th Anniversary Edition)

Hi There Young’un!

Astral Ghosts On Peyote, Or, This Book Is No Longer In Print Because That Was A Different Time

Are You A Genius? The Answer May Surprise You, It Surprises A Lot of Geniuses

Forgotten Satiric Genius: Christian Schütze

(x-posted to The Valve)

About two-thirds of the way through Theodor Adorno’s admirable book The Jargon of Authenticity, illuminating the entire volume, is a little piece of German satire that nobody has ever heard of: Christian Schütze’s “Stenciled Speech for Festive Occasions.” Its relevance to the present moment is astonishing, particularly in these days of change, hope, changeful hope, and hopeful change. It brings us laughingly to our senses.

Most honored Mr. President, ministers, secretaries of state, mayors, advisors, administrators, and assistants, highly esteemed men and women of our cultural life, representatives of science, of industry, and of the self-employed middle-class, honored public of this festive gathering, ladies and gentlemen!

It is not by chance that we are gathered here today for the purpose of celebrating this day. In a time like ours, in which the true human values have more than ever to be our innermost concern, a statement is expected from us. I do not wish to present you with a patented solution, but I would merely like to bring up for discussion a series of hot potatoes which do after all face us. For we do not need ready-made opinions, which anyway do not touch us deeply, but what we need is rather the genuine dialogue which moves us in our humanity. What brought us together here is our knowledge of the power of encounter in the forming of the intrahuman sphere. The things which matter are settled in this intrahuman sphere. I do not have to tell you what I mean by this. You will all understand me, for in a particular and extraordinary sense you all have to do with people.

In a time like ours—I have mentioned it already—in which the perspective of things has everywhere begun to waver, everything depends more than ever on the individual who knows of the essence of things, of things as such, of things in their authenticity. We need openhearted people who are capable of this. Who these people?—you will ask me—and I will answer you: You are they! By being gathered here you have proven more thoroughly than by words that you are prepared to put emphasis on your concern. That is what I would like to thank you for. But I would also like to thank you for energetically opposing, by your commitment to this good cause, the flood of materialism which threatens to drown everything around us. To say it in a nutshell from the start: you have come here to be given directions; you have come to listen. From this encounter, on an intrahuman level, you expect a contribution to the reestablishing of the interhuman climate. You expect a restoration of that homely warmth which seems to be lacking, in our modern industrial society, to such a terrifying degree…

But what does this mean for our concrete similarities here and now? To pronounce the question means to pose it. But in fact it means much more than that. It means that we expose ourselves ot it, that we surrender to it. That we must not forget. But in the rush and busy work of the day, modern man forgets it all too easily. But you who belong to the silent majority, you know of it. For our problems stem from a region which it is our vocation to preserve. The wholesome perplexity which comes from this situation opens perspectives which we should not simply block out by turning away in boredom. It is important to think with the heart and to tune in the human antenna to the same wave length. Today no one knows better than man that which is of importance in the end.

Parodying Academic Blogging

(x-posted to The Valve)

Dear readers,

In the spirit of the MLAde 2007, produced by two very funny UC Irvine grad students and distributed, guerrilla-style, around the conference, I’m pleased to present this parody of academic blogging, entitled “My Story.”

***

A lot of people, almost none of whom read blogs, and one of whom sent most of his confidential information via e-mail to Nigeria, have asked me how I got into blogging. So I thought I’d blog my answer out loud to the blogosphere. After all, today is Sunday through Thursday, and it’s time for my Blogging About Blogging Sundays Through Thursdays. (But don’t worry, Existential Despair About Capitalism Friday is just four days off!) My story is a lot like other stories about learning to use a very simple web template, and you can read those other stories here and here and here and here and here and here and here.

I guess you could say that some part of me was always a blogger, just as some people know that from birth that they are meant to be accountants or customer service representatives. It began when I was very little; when my parents left me alone in the house, I would watch episodes of television programs on DVD, while feeling terrifically anxious about not doing my reading. I was very much a “boy’s boy,” but still, I would catch myself fantasizing about the feel of tweed against my skin; I would thumb through the glossies, dreaming of the latest Parisian fashions, even though my mother could not afford simulacra, and had to make do with cheap imitations. I would creep upstairs to our attic, to the old dresser my father kept up there, and reach around in the bottom drawer until I found his collection of New Yorker magazines. I didn’t really understand everything I was reading, because we lived in Boise and I was reading the “Talk of the Town,” but the images and words consumed me like a secret fire. I wrote a short story, “Adultery,” and then a poem called “Lonely Cabbages, 1993,” which I posted here after it was rejected by the editors of the New Yorker, as well as many, many other editors, many times.

As the DVDs for Season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer gradually yielded to those containing Season 4, and the space of years made me older and bolder, I began to play with dolls. They were shaped like postmodern theorists, and I found them “hilariously campy.” Under my covers, long after my official bedtime, I would set up little conferences, where I would force the Alain Badiou doll to give a talk entitled “I’m In UR Auditorium Repeating My Book For UR Stipend,” and then I would ask him questions. My questions were long, thought-provoking, and remarkably similar to my dissertation. I felt like the only person in all Idaho brave enough to be ending my questions with periods, and saying “Well, I guess this isn’t really a question per se.”

After this had gone on for a while, I began to wonder who was really listening to the little conferences I held with the postmodernist dolls in my bedroom. It felt like I didn’t have much of an audience, aside from one or two specialists also working in my field who were, in this case, made out of plastic. I wondered if there were other people like me, people who cared above all about serious scholarship, and whether, like me, they wanted to prove it by writing about popular films and beach trips under assumed names. I already had my assumed name all picked out – it was a German word meaning “of or relating to Derrida,” because he is one thinker you have to read in the original German. I modified it, though, so that it was also a pun on three Elvis Costello albums. It took a mere fortnight of continuous effort to pick my blog title, my blog name, my blog epigraph, my blog picture, and my blog design scheme, plus one more day to remove all references to money laundering from my publicly linked MySpace page.

I remember all the milestones. I remember the first time a commenter showed up to tell me about how useless literary critics were compared to writers. “Those who can’t do, teach,” he wrote, starting a wonderful conversation that has continued, ceaselessly, after every single post, to this very day. What I like about him is that he is the people, the real people, not some bloodless academic; he’s like Tiny Tim, and I am like Charles Dickens, giving him the crutches he needs to walk the walk of the learned. Other examples of the salt of the earth who have learned to use my comment box include a schizophrenic person, whose discursive universe is a play of absences and misspellings, and the person who has always had just about enough of me and my blog, for going on two years. I also like the fact that these folks click on my advertising banners, although that may be an accident, since I Advertise Liberally, meaning that ads cover about 65% of the screen. I remember the first time I used the word fuck, in my post “Fuck All The Fucking Bullshit, I’ve Been Reading About Fucking Punk.” I thought that would get me fired from my Ph.D. program, forcing me to earn a living by blogging, but it didn’t, and neither did my post “Things We Think But Do Not Say.”

But, in the end, there’s something very simple that keeps me blogging, and that is a truth that might even sound a little sentimental, but so what, it’s a blog: what I can really write about is how I’m having trouble with my writing. My best days blogging are the ones where I can’t even add one solitary preposition to my half-finished sentence on page 63 of Chapter 4, “Tristam Shandy and the Anti-Topographical Comic,” all of which I chronicled in the post “One Solitary Preposition.” So yes, I’m now in my seventh year of blogging, but allow me this indulgence: I like to call it Season 7, Part 1. It’s the season where the writers got together and deconstructed everything you thought was happening. Beat that, Lawrence Sterne, you stuffy old academic. (I will continue my series of posts on Tristram Shandy and Habermas tomorrow.)

Watching I’m Not There

(x-posted to The Valve)

Several nights ago, I had the pleasure of watching I’m Not There, the new Bob Dylan movie that excited everyone so much because of the prospect of seeing Cate Blanchett in drag, talking to Allen “David Cross” Ginsburg.

The film was initially a gigantic disappointment. I came away bitter about it, largely because I wasn’t prepared for the kind of experimenting involved. While I knew that Dylan would be played by several different actors, and assumed there would be stylistic differences between each thread, I was still looking for a biopic capable of explaining how Dylan produced so much great music. I have always loved origin stories more than any other part of grand narratives; Issue #1 is consistently my favorite. I like to study how people and their literary doubles become what they are.

Rather than give us any inkling into the creative processes at work in Dylan’s music, the film is really Dylan’s requiem, which is strange considering that Dylan is still alive. Dylan is a very obliging person, and when he wrote his own autobiography, Chronicles, he emphasized the intellectual friendships that struck him most, along with the claustrophobic places where he manged to land gigs, and the attics where he got access to old records. He writes about himself from the outside, in a practical fashion, drawing the easy causal connection between the period of hope and reckless apprenticeship, when he steeps himself in music and dreams, and the period (still to come at the end of Chronicles) of significance and celebrity.

The irony of almost every book or film about an artist is that, as much as the author wants to crawl inside the author’s head, we are still usually left with a work ethic and dime-a-dozen cultural obsessions. Lots of teenagers loved Nat King Cole as intensely as Ray Charles; when the camera in Control pans slowly across Ian Curtis’s bookshelf, we see a lot of books everybody in the theater has probably read. In order to ask the question of what made Dylan himself, without answering superficially by invoking passion and work, one has to enter the various dreams that his art echoed and magnified until everything about his life was blurry with dreaming.

My re-evaluation of the film came from a moment talking with my friend tomemos, who mentioned that all of the scenes with Richard Gere were performed with characters from The Basement Tapes (or, at least, with characters derived from the songs). Richard Gere makes a lousy Dylan. He’s too sad and hesitant to capture Dylan’s burning intelligence and wit, and too resignedly secular to show us anything about Dylan’s faith. Nonetheless, the character he plays, a version of Billy the Kid who is hiding out like Mortensen in A History of Violence, matters because Dylan undoubtedly thought of himself that way, as an outlaw with roots deep in the American soil. Gere is very convincing as someone Dylan wanted to be and perhaps thinks he attained.

More than one fantasy fills up the empty space of the ideal. Fantasies replace each other over time. For Haynes, Dylan is the sum of his fantasies — the fantasy of being black and young again, the fantasy of being a noble refugee with a history of violence, the fantasy of being a good and simple preacher, the fantasy of being the hippest cat, the fantasy of becoming the voice of his generation by forging its political conscience. Each fantasy was the slightly corny product of the times: the “scene” in London and in Warhol’s factory, the discovery of the blues, the war in Vietnam, the beginning and end of the rock era. In turn, each new fantasy changed Dylan’s direction and unwove the past fabric of his life. Wives, friends, audiences changed. In order to get inside Dylan’s head, Haynes measures the distance between who he thought he was at each moment, and what other realities gave that the lie. From that point of view, the scariest moments in the film are probably the scenes with Heath Ledger, where Dylan is seeing himself in an disturbingly flat fashion, as a harried professional, living out of a suitcase, trying to hold on to partial custody of his children.  It’s like that Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin dreams about getting out of bed and brushing his teeth.

Among the shards of every decade across which Dylan has spread his songs, these dreams have been preserved whole: the records, like I’m Not There, of the many people Dylan wasn’t, through whom he managed to survive a reality that would otherwise have suffocated him — and perhaps, without his eerie but courageous voices, more of us.

(Radio Interview) These Cats Aren’t Laughing Out Loud

(x-posted to The Valve)

(The following are excerpts from a recorded interview between Terri Gross and Lion-O, the young lord of the Thundercats. It was originally aired on National Public Radio and its member affiliates. Lion-O’s essays on culture and feline subjectivity are collected in his first book, The “I” of Thundara.)

LION-O: These cats are babies. They sound like babies. They have a baby-like fascination with the world.

LION-O: These cats are in blackface. They claim to be talking like people who use instant messenger, but since people who use IM are not always this bad at spelling, or this insanely violent, cats who talk “gangsta” and “pimp” is the only way to explain some of the pidgin.

LION-O: These cats, if you sound them out, sound a little like the kids on South Park. It’s all in my new book, The Screaming, Obscene American Id, or, You’re Always A Reproachful Baby When You Dream. What I’m saying, Terri, is that cheeseburgers are bad for cats, and they’re bad for you. So why do these cats want to have them so badly? And from whom are they trying to get permission?

TERRI: From their owners.

LION-O: Exactly. From their “owners,” even though those owners are themselves too scared to eat cheeseburgers. This is not how it was on Thundara, Sacred Home of Grammar.

TERRI: What are you doing to keep the Thundercats going under these circumstances?

LION-O: We’ve been very fortunate to have a group of fans, the “Furries,” who have been incredibly loyal even during these tough times. So we’ve been able to make a living doing reunion tours. Plus, a lot of the Thundercats have families now, so it’s about family and how wonderful that is, which is a whole other thing. That’s our real full-time job, you could say, being there for the ThunderKittens in a way that my parents could never be there for me, because the planet they inhabited exploded. But we are making some changes also. For example, we have changed our battle cry from “Thundercats Ho!” to “Thundercats LOL!” Also, we’ve created a great site where you can put “catpshuns” on photographs. So, for example, you might have a picture of your hamster washing dishes, and you could add a hilarious caption like “Eye of Thundara, give me sight beyond sight!”

TERRI: In the studio with me is Lion-O. Later, he’ll be reading from a piece entitled “That’s The Statue of Liberty,” which explains his 2004 arrest in the I Can Haz Cheezburger office, where he was found shouting “You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” But first a short break.

The Haunting Wordsworth: Romantic Poets and Monkeys With Typewriters

(x-posted to The Valve)

(UPDATED: I recommend the full text of Ray Davis’s post on the matter, available here.)

You might go on extending the list of explanations indefinitely, but you would find, we think, that all the explanations fall into two categories. You will either be ascribing these marks to some being capable of intentions (the living sea, the haunting Wordsworth, etc.), or you will count them as nonintentional effects of mechanical processes (erosion, percolation, etc.). But in the second case—where the marks now seem to be accidents—will they still seem to be words? Clearly not. They will merely seem to resemble words.
-Steven Knapp and Walter Benn Michaels, “Against Theory” (JSTOR link)

Suppose you confront a fallen pudding, or a toaster that would toast, but for that frayed power cord. It would be absurd to say, ‘I have no notion whatsoever what this…thing…is for.’ The fact that you call it a fallen pudding registers your awareness of what it was supposed to be for: eating.
-John Holbo, “Form, Function & Intention: Drafty Thoughts” (announcement and link here)

In their infamous article “Against Theory,” Knapp and Benn Michaels argued that if you happened across a reproduction of “A Slumber Did My Spirit Seal,” and you decided that no purposive being was responsible, the illusion of meaning would vanish. In its place, you would merely have the curious presence of shapes resembling words.

In Holbo’s wonderfully provocative series of responses, continued with “Now God Help Thee, Poor Monkey!”, he drafted the outlines of an argument about replacing intention with function. For Holbo, the best way to understand language is by understanding what it does within a community: between people, rather than merely in the purposive mind of the author (which is nonetheless quite real). Holbo’s argument about normative function hasn’t assumed its final form, but I suspect it will have elective affinities with the account given by Ray Davis, who writes:

Most art is intentionally produced, and, depending on the skill and cultural distance of the artists, many of its effects may be intended. And yes, many people intentionally seek entertainment, instruction, or stimulation. But as with any human endeavor, that doesn’t cover the territory…Happy accident is key to the persistence of art across time, space, and community, and, recontextualized, any tool can become an object of delight or horror.

I generally agree with both Davis and Holbo: language is a functional melange of intention and accident. I would add that it is a functional result of intentions both conscious and unconscious. Bearing this in mind, let’s probe a little deeper into the specific examples that arise in these conversations.

The first example, provided by Knapp and Benn Michaels, is that of a Wordsworth poem appearing on a beach; the authors suggest a number of possible agents, including the “living sea” and “the haunting Wordsworth.” The play on “haunting” is instructive; as much as this is a fable about human speech, it is also the record of an anxiety about the meaning of natural landscapes and events. To the Romantics, Nature was meaningful and capable of expression; to Knapp and Benn Michaels, Nature is a series of meaningless “mechanical processes.” The beach is supposed to represent a blank slate upon which words either are or aren’t written. Really, however, it is a symbolic maneuver in a bizarre anti-Romantic fantasy. I imagine we have all had the experience of writing words in the wet sand of a beach, and then looking on as the surf gradually erases them. This is the world as the Romantics knew it:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

In Shelley’s poem, Nature (particularly the natural process of decay) has an effect on the meaning of the inscription. It elevates it to the level of the sublime, in the full philosophical sense of the word. However, in “Against Theory,” the surf actually inscribes words, rather than washing them away. The result, that which “seems to resemble words,” brings us back to Immanuel Kant:

But what does even the most complete teleology prove in the end? Does it prove anything like that such an intelligent being exists? No; it proves nothing more than that because of the constitution of our cognitive faculties, and thus in the combination of experience with the supreme principles of reason, we cannot form any concept at all of the possibility of such a world except by conceiving of such an intentionally acting supreme cause. (Critique of the Power of Judgement, 5: 399)

Things in Nature seem to resemble words: they seem to have purposiveness. Kant’s fundamental insight was that order is purposive, but that the aesthetic is produced when you have the appearance of purposiveness without the knowledge of an end.

Thus, Kant is actually much more thorough and skeptical than Knapp and Benn Michaels. As several commenters on Holbo’s posts have noted, the argument in “Against Theory” isn’t very good, not least because it assumes that you can have knowledge of whether other beings are acting in an intentional manner in some direct, non-interpretive way. This amounts to completely dodging the so-called “problem of other minds.” Since you have to base your claims about intentionality on the fact that certain patterns appear to be intentional, which is circular, Knapp and Benn Michaels would have to conclude that an intentionally acting, supreme intelligent being does exist if similar-looking patterns appear in Nature (they do). Kant gets out of this problem by locating the circularity of this logic within the human mind, and calling the teleological assumption an inevitable result of the “constitution of our cognitive faculties.”

Holbo confronts the problem more directly. He cites Joseph Plunkett and William Paley on, respectively, the mystical and probabilistic arguments for a supreme cause, but rejects both of them. For Holbo, the liminal space between intentionality and mechanism becomes the realm of accident:

Suppose we find a screwdriver in the sand. Merely by seeing it as such, we register its function: driving screws. Also, if asked, we are prepared to presume it had a maker…We will not, certainly need not, assume anyone left this screwdriver as a message.

In short, he uses Paley’s argument from probability (it is very improbable that a universe ordered like ours could happen by accident) against Plunkett, and then uses the conjunction of intentionality (which is human) and accident (which manifests an absence of order) in order to refute Paley.

This brings us right back to Plunkett; you can’t use Paley to refute him if your next move is to refute Paley. Certainly, when it comes to small implements, the phenomenon of accident does not inspire a feeling of sublimity. In “Ozymandias,” however, the screwdriver in the sand does become something sublime. The tension between what is knowable and unknowable is the alternating presence and absence in things of an analogy with ourselves. We see ourselves in landscapes, animals, other people; then, just as quickly, they turn an alien face towards us, terrifying us with the prospect of destitution and oblivion.

I only have time to gesture at where this goes. People have a quite sophisticated grasp of the beautiful and the sublime; they write with sticks on the beach, watching in fascination as the surf rubs out each word, while simultaneously feeling in harmony with the larger pattern of the restless tide; they quote poetry to one another, unsure whether their own intentionality comes through when they repeat something originally written by Pablo Neruda or Bright Eyes. Meanwhile, scientists do all their work right at that line where the edifice of knowledge crumbles into guesswork.

Furthermore, we feel the acid of the sublime within our own selves, gnawing and disfiguring our words, threatening nonsense and madness. The reason that the image of the monkeys writing Shakespeare is so arresting is that we have typewriters (or laptops or what-have-you), and we don’t make particularly good use of them. Anybody who has ever tried to write a research paper or a dissertation can certainly identify with both of these paragraphs:

Moving from calculation to experiment, The Monkey Shakespeare Simulator, in existence since 2003 with a hundred monkeys typing at a vastly accelerated speed, has produced just nineteen letters from The Two Gentlemen of Verona after 42,162,500,000 billion monkey years: “Valentine. Cease to 1dor:eFLPoFRjWK78aXz …”

An enterprising experiment that involved real monkeys produced even more confounding results, not least because “they get bored and they shit on the keyboard rather than type …”

In the film Alien, human beings have to save themselves from the hideous alliance of computer (Ian Holm’s corporate android) and animal (the alien), notwithstanding the fact that they themselves are this hybrid. The problem with the monkey example is that the monkeys never pay attention to what they’re writing. They never develop any sort of organic, aesthetic relationship to it; if they did, it would compromise the randomness necessary for the experiment. However, if those monkeys were human beings, then the moment Shakespeare happened it would drag the whole bunch of monkeys along with it, away from the junkheap of “1dor:eFLPoFRjWK78aXz” and towards normativity. If that sounds like Harold Bloom, don’t blame me: I didn’t make Shakespeare the gold standard for monkey type. This is less Bloom than it is Douglas Hofstadter: in Godel Escher Bach, Hofstadter argues that a set of determinate formal parameters (in this case, the fact that the typewriter has a given number of keys, and is being typed on by monkeys) can eventually produce a self-referential system with the capacity for meaning. This meaning, however, is always haunted by its own incompleteness, amounting finally to Hofstadter’s own Godelian sublime.

In other words, we should not think of monkeys-with-typewriters as a story about the presence or absence of intentionality in the non-human world; it is really a story about the aleatory genesis of meaning by and for human beings.

Of course, it is possible to argue that we should not distort the meaning of the example of monkeys with typewriters: the fact that such monkeys might remind us of human beings is not germane to the point of the thought-experiment. Similarly, the fact that a beach is where shore meets ocean is not germane to the point in “Against Theory,” and the fact that the toaster is broken is not germane to the nature of a toaster.

Two responses:

1. Easy distinctions between “accidental” and “necessary” states or causes frequently break down themselves. I might assume that the function of a broken toaster is still to make toast, and that the malfunction is an accident. If, instead of a toaster, you have an iPod, that assumption is totally unwarranted. The batteries always run out, and the mechanism itself usually dies as a result of planned obsolescence.

2. The insistence on throwing away the ladder that delivers us to a logical equation is partly a result of our modern situation. In a comment, Holbo writes:

A magic elf has five dollars but gives three to John. How much money does the elf have now?

Bob has five dollars but gives three to John. How much money does Bob have now?

Swampman, a creature generated by thermodynamic miracle, has five dollars but gives three to John. How much money does Swampman have now?

It seems to me the answer, in each case, is 2 dollars.

In each case the answer is 2 dollars, because in each case the point of the statement is purely algebraic. If function y equals x – 3, and x = 5, then y(x) = 2. It doesn’t matter if you call y “magic elf” or “Bob.” This is the logic of capital — it doesn’t matter who buys a pair of shoes, the store still makes a net profit of $2 per customer. It is also the logic of the cellphone or instant messaging conversation. If cellphone interference produces a garbled sentence, I still assume that the person on the other end of the line meant to speak clearly, and I reconstruct their sentence to the best of my ability. Hofstadter mentions that most people can be fooled into thinking that a chat session with a computer is a conversation with a living human being: in the context of Internet chat, passing the Turing test becomes an achievable benchmark. So every time we do converse via computer with a human being, we have to do a lot of imaginative work making them live in all their glorious intentionality and complexity. There is always a strain involved, and hopefully it is clear that in many cases this continual digital remastering of the world is something of a comforting lie. Certainly, modern pop and punk music has benefited enormously by bringing finally to consciousness the wealth of distorted and atonal sounds we are normally supposed to ignore.

Speaking of aleatory things, I will end by pointing out that intentionality can enter into a relation with the sublime, something already suggested by the image of someone writing in anticipation of the surf. The Aeolian harp did not die out with Coleridge; John Cage created aleatory music by having multiple radios playing simultaneously on stage (as Hofstadter notes). To a greater or lesser extent, the aleatoric artist sets the parameters for the work, and these more blatantly open constructions take the place of the more conventional standards for achieved communication. We can use the Lilliputian, almost kindly language of accident to describe this aleatoric movement, or we can use the High Romantic vocabulary of wreckage and death. Regardless, we should not fail to see that Knapp and Benn Michaels have put Wordsworth on the beach in order to erase Wordsworth, and to erase Einstein on the beach, and finally to exorcise the sand and waves themselves: the haunting poet, the living sea.

Poor, Unfortunate Societies: Getting to the Bottom of The Little Mermaid

Of all the works of art that haunt modern life — James Joyce’s Ulysses, Pablo Picasso’s Guernica, Igor Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring — perhaps none has caused as much critical puzzlement and dispute as The Little Mermaid. Terry Eagleton, in his book Ariel’s Tempest, described the film as a “delightful romp for the whole family,” unsettling a whole tradition of Wittgensteinian criticism that began with Stanley Cavell. Cavell, writing in The Strange Object: Combs and Cutlery, was famous for such statements as “the dinglehopper is the real protagonist of Disney’s unsettling sea-shanty, which raises the crucial question of what we mean when we speak of a dinglehopper” (TSO 13).

For my part, I want to examine the way the film ends, because, while watching it with my friend uncomplicatedly, the events leading up to the climax were so wretched that she exclaimed: “Oh wait, how do they get out of this one? It looks like they’re totally fucked.”

The way they “get out of it” is, the prince steers the carcass of a sunken boat right into the heart of the monstrous Ursula, who by this time has assumed gigantic proportions. When the boat pierces her, she dies, and all the spells she has cast over merfolk and oceans fade. This is a resolution on the level of the symbolic, as well as the solution to the riddle of the plot. It restores a traditional way of life, structured by myth, to a society corrupted by rationalism and contractual economies.

The Little Mermaid is a romance, and the love between the mermaid and the prince symbolizes a pre-lapsarian social whole, where men and merfolk live in harmony. The film takes place in a world cut off from tradition. The prince can’t remember the name of the human princess he was supposed to marry, and apparently has no parents. Triton, the mermaid’s father, is superficially a traditional figure, but he can’t think of any of Ariel’s suitors names either, and has actually usurped Ursula, though you need to watch the bonus features to have this confirmed.

Ariel and Prince Eric, in their respective worlds, have nostalgic myths imposed upon them in the form of art. Triton is outraged when Ariel fails to play her part in the enormous pageant held in his honor. A clam shell opens, symbolizing Ariel’s birth, but Ariel isn’t inside — which only makes sense, since according to the Venus myth Ariel should actually emerge from the sea onto land. Later, Ariel will be missing at the end of Sebastian’s “Under the Sea” musical number.

In the same vein, the rationalist tutor Grimsby (I call him “Voltaire,” and he doesn’t believe in merfolk) makes the odd gesture of commissioning a statue of Prince Eric in an antiquated pose, with a sword. Eric rejects the statue, and it later becomes part of Ariel’s collection of human objects. In other words, both Ariel and Eric refuse to be turned to stone by assigned roles in nostalgic artworks that compensate for the evident state of lack: missing parents, disgruntled sea-witch, undistinguished suitors, and war between the two kingdoms. Art only takes you so far, as Ariel admits when (in “Part of Your World”) she sings about her boredom with merely collecting human objects. Sebastian’s songs neither convince Ariel to stay undersea, nor get her the kiss she needs. (However, it is significant that when he leaves the king’s service, and enters her’s, he stops trying to write symphonies, and returns to his roots by singing lite reggae.) Art can even be perverse, if it substitutes for the real thing. Ursula steals Ariel’s voice, and her song convinces Eric to abandon Ariel, via an aesthetic illusion of presence.

Art is a compensation in a society run by contracts: Triton’s rules, Grimsby’s insistence that Eric wed, and above all Ursula’s contracts with customers in need of magic. Ursula is a Usurer. If you don’t pay your debt to her in time, she is legally able to turn you into a small, boneless chicken of the sea. Her victims live in a garden of the oppressed that is meant to resonate with the Medusa myth and the theme of petrifaction. The force of the contract first protects her against Triton’s old-fashioned magic, then allows her to re-claim it.

Like Grimsby, Eric is nostalgic, but he’s nostalgic for a real person. He’s nostalgic for the maternal figure of Ariel, who is singing to him at the moment he is brought back to life on the shore, and reborn. So he follows her out to sea, having been primed to believe in mermaids by the old salts among his crew. Ursula, returning to the position of ruler of the seas, stirs up the shipwrecked boat from the bottom of the ocean. Yet she is still vulnerable, because she can’t return to the Ariel-like being she was formerly. So the prince drives the masthead into her: disturbing. We know from countless establishing shots that the masthead is a mermaid, and in effect, Ursula is killed by the cold statuary in her own heart, of herself as she was. She becomes a monster by confusing herself with that effigy in a way Eric and Ariel will not.

The resurrected ship, like the parallel scenes of Ariel and Eric’s rebirths on the mediating strip of shore, is a symbol of the present reunited with the past through living practice, rather than lifeless art. The very holes along its sides are indices of the prince’s ability to look beyond the thing, to see the thing as a mere sign, just as he was close to doing by kissing mute Ariel out of love for her voice. The separation between the aesthetic world of fantasy, and the hierarchies of contract, are swept away and replaced by a holistic order. Art withers away and becomes the free festival, rather than the imposed pageant.

Yet, in its way, this too is a Cold Pastoral, a trick to tease us out of thought. Who are these coming to the sacrifice? First of all, most of all, not Ariel’s mother, Eric’s parents, or Ursula herself (though she was more usurped than usurious)…but Flounder, the fat kid.

The Rejection Letter

Becks, over at the stream-of-consciousness blog Unfogged, asked us what to do about some poor guy’s manuscript, which apparently was as Freudian as a mispelled hero fantasy can get. She was asking us for suggestions about possible rejection letters.

She writes:

So this guy comes up to my table and starts talking about the novel he’s been working on, but it could also be a comic book script or a screenplay, etc., etc., and he hands me a two-page excerpt and a cover letter and takes off.

I read it on the way home from work tonight. It’s… not good.

I feel obligated to send the guy a polite rejection notice. My questions:

1) Should I also advise him to use the spelling and grammar checkers in his word processor?

2) Should I also advise him to read Norman Spinrad’s essay, “The Emperor Of Everything” and attempt to understand why the SF/Fantasy/Occult/Horror genres don’t really need more masturbatory, misogynistic adolescent power fantasy stories?

3) Should I also advise him to see a therapist?

I started to respond over there, and I think I’ll finish up here:

You could break it to him gently. You could say: Hey, right now this is a novel. It could be a comic book; it could be a screenplay, too. It could be a novella. It could take a turn towards realism. Kids picking blackberries, they have a dog, the dog dies. But then the turn away from realism. Maybe the dog was an alien or is dreaming it all. It could be a short story. It could be some notes, with accompanying sketches. The sketches might not be related. I’m talking about doodles. Little drawings of trees and Captain America’s shield. It could be something you scribbled on a napkin. It could be a napkin that you quickly tucked in your pocket. Coffee stains on the most important phrases. The ink bleeds away and the napkin goes pulpy in the wash. It could be an idea you had once that you were going to write but didn’t have a pen. It could be a silly idea. Something you should never tell a soul. There, there. Don’t be sad. Grindhouse is still in the theaters. Treat yourself to a matinee.

I Will Cure Mental Illness Through The Power Of My Contempt

Apparently it’s stupid season again. Over at the Valve, one of my threads is in danger of being strangled to death by a commenter who not only believes that all communicative acts are “propaganda,” but also believes that he should be appointed to dictate to all the well-meaning novelists and poets out there exactly what kind of propaganda will help most. Right now, for example, all novels should concern the tragedy of the war in Iraq. (No, sadly, I’m not making this up. You can read his comment to me here, and the Iraq comment here. But I wouldn’t even recommend it.) Meanwhile, over here, in the usually pastoral setting of The Kugelmass Episodes, new commenter parodycenter has come blazing onto the scene. He said, in response to my last post on difference and symptom (written in honor of Larval Subjects), the following:

Awww Kugelmas you just made me weep from the bottom of my ass. How alarming, Western undecidability! Especially in comparison to Eastern poverty, famine, war and disease. Call the United Nations, the Red Cross and BAD AID. We must jump to the rescue of your decadent Western asses – IMMEDIATELY!

Of course, I just had to follow up with parodycenter. It turns out (Note: the following is not true, at all) that not only, in the course of his everyday life, does he manage to combat famine, poverty, war, and disease, but he is also a practicing psychiatrist. He sent me the following transcript of a discussion with a patient who we’ll call Georg L.

GEORG L: I don’t feel very well. I think I may have a psychological disorder.

DR PARODYCENTER: I see. Insomnia, delusions, narcissism, eating disorders, depression, anxiety — that sort of thing?

GEORG L: Yes, exactly. All of that. It all started after I became only concerned with myself and yet couldn’t fill the emptiness inside me.

DR PARODYCENTER: Of course! You’ve contracted a bad case of decadence.

GEORG L: Is it serious, doctor? Is it curable?

DR PARODYCENTER: Of course it is. You see, what happens is that the Western decadent, who has never had to struggle for anything in his life, becomes ill with bourgeois avarice and a creeping sense of guilt. This is the cause of all mental illness.

In such cases, the greatest mistake one can make is to feel compassion. Instead, the only treatment is Eastern famine and poverty.

GEORG L: Do poverty and famine happen only in the East?

DR PARODYCENTER: Yes. But the East is also a veiled land of mystery, and soft sensual delights.

GEORG L: Well, that’s wonderful! I thought nothing good could come of their sufferings, but it turns out that thinking about their sufferings works better than aspirin and Prozac combined! Plus, afterwards, I’m sure I will feel a patronizing gratitude towards these diseased, warlike nations.

Wait a second, what did you do for the patient with anorexia?

DR PARODYCENTER: We discussed the delightful ironies of the case, with an eye towards famine. I prescribed one year reading Adbusters. And like that — cured.

***

One can, and should, differentiate between neuroses and serious mental illness. But such differentiations have nothing to do with trying to cure neurosis by waving an arm in the direction of Bangladesh.

I will end with The Magic Mountain, at the moment when Settembrini’s humanism fails:

The humanist then took advantage of this animated mood to explain further about how one ought to pay no attention to those who suffered from hallucinations, to pazzi in general, advancing the proposition that such people let themselves get carried away, quite illegitimately, and often had it within their power to control their madness, as he had himself observed on several visits to madhouses….Letting oneself go, in fact, was doubtless a definition of madness in many cases, inasmuch as it was a way of fleeing from great affliction and served weak natures as a defense against the overpowering blows of fate, which such people felt they could not withstand in their right mind. But then anyone could use that excuse, so to speak; and he, Settembrini, had brought many a madman back to reality, at least temporarily, by confronting his fiddle-faddle with a pose of unrelenting reason.

Gmail chat: Catch the fever (A Zombie Tale)

The following is a chat between myself (JK) and Sad King Jonathan (SKJ), from 10:20 this morning.

SKJ: What are you up to?

JK: Just drinking heavily and listening to Mozart, what about you?

SKJ: Right. Scotch and Toast. My favorite mixed drink.

JK: Actually I’m going to go finish The Rebel, which is incredibly good

SKJ: Sitting here, responding to myspace messages and thinking about reading some zombie comics instead of The Tale of Heike

JK: Right.

SKJ: I haven’t ever read the whole thing.

JK: petitpoussin recently confided to me that one of her favorite pastimes is watching one of the zombie classics (she includes 28 Days Later in the classics category) and then figuring out a survival plan for her house
I responded to that by telling her about my amazing zombie-dodging linebacker skills

SKJ: I had a whole Zombie Safety Squad as an undergrad.

JK: For serious?

SKJ: We only assembled after drunk o’clock at night.
When I use expressions like, “you are on the team.”
or You’ll never make the team like that.
I am referring to the ZSS Strike Team.

JK: OK, sweet, now I know. And knowing…
That’s great. Do you guys have a site I could add to my ZSS feeder?

SKJ: is all hat and no cattle.
Wait.
I know this.
There should be one, huh?

JK: Yes

SKJ: A little leering skull button on things.
So you can share them to Zss.

JK: Exactly
You can put all the best sites for baseball bats and chainsaws up at “your z.omb.ie”

SKJ: Are you a wood man or an aluminum man?
Remember, you ARE being scored.

JK: Wood!
Aluminum makes a crappy sound when you watch the College World Series
And I have to assume that will also be true fighting zombies

SKJ: An interesting aesthetic choice.

JK: Plus, better weight balance

SKJ: The preferred answer is aluminum, of course, because it won’t break.
And a broken bat in a crowd of zombies is no way to go out.
You can’t even go out swinging, in that case.

JK: Aluminum, interestingly enough, does break, and can be extremely dangerous because the splinters explode out from the bat at a very high speed

SKJ: The ZSS is known for its practicality. Not its pizzazz.
Even better!

JK: And getting brained by an aluminum shard is no way to go out, that’s what the zombies want

SKJ: Now it’s a fragmentation grenade going off in your hands.
So, it seems that all weapons have their perils.

JK: Anybody who uses aluminum loves zombies and probably has secret zombie lovers

SKJ: I guess that finall explains why my ex Jessica
insisted on that bat made of diamond.
And why the Zombies adopted diamond cutter teeth in the third year of the war.

JK: As long as somebody is carrying around a little boombox playing the de Beers diamond classical theme, I’m fine with it. So elegant! The other person would fight the zombies. It’s like how old British armies used to have drummers

SKJ: Is that the one that uses Vivaldi?

JK: Is that what it is?

SKJ: The ones with the black backrounds and silhouttes.

JK: Exactly!

SKJ: Yeah, I think it’s one of the Four Seasons.

JK: Except with the addition of a thousand slowly moving silhouettes of the living dead

SKJ: But we could find out pretty easily.
So, even those who like diamonds are zombie lovers, now?
It sounds like your paranoia might come in handy. Then again,
it might turn against the group in dangerous and predictable ways.

JK: Look, I’D RATHER TAKE MY CHANCES WITH THE ZOMBIES THAN STAY COOPED UP IN HERE. I’m sure I’ll be fine

SKJ: Exactly the kind of attitude we don’t want. Exactly the kind of attitude the zombies want us to want.

JK: So, I think in honor of PP I’m going to publish these thoughts anonymously on the blog, con permiso

SKJ: Volontiers, monsieur.