Monday Afternoon Poetry: Translating Mallarmé
Over at The Valve, Adam Roberts has posted a new translation of Stéphane Mallarmé’s wonderful poem “Tout l’ame résumée.” (A little background: Stéphane Mallomar was the first to coat the graham cracker of poststructuralism with creamy, marshmallow Symbolism and the dark chocolate of rhyme.) It’s an inspired idea, and I tried my hand at translating it myself. My version is below, along with the original French, with formatting and phrasing borrowed from Roberts’s post. I’d love to hear your thoughts, line readings, or corrections; also, feel free to post other translations of your own, in any language. Snuggle Bunny, surlacarte — tag, you’re it. (Also, a shout-out to petitpoussin for her ongoing Poetry Monday series.)
Here is Stéphane Mallarmé’s ‘Toute l’âme résumée’ from 1895.
Toute l’âme résumée
Quand lente nous l’expirons
Dans plusieurs ronds de fumée
Abolis en autres rondsAtteste quelque cigare
Brûlant savamment pour peu
Que la cendre se sépare
De son clair baiser de feuAinsi le chœur des romances
À la lèvre vole-t-il
Exclus-en si tu commences
Le réel parce que vilLe sens trop précis rature
Ta vague littérature.
And here is my attempt at an English translation.
We express our whole soul
When we slowly exhale
Those several rings of smoke
Driven out by other ringsThat attest to some cigar
Briefly, brilliantly smoldering
Ash separating itself
From the clear kiss of fireThus the choir of romances
Rises to your lips—
If you begin, begin by
Excluding reality. It is vile.Too much precision of sense erases
Your vague literature.
***
You can find my notes on the translation here, and a funny turn in the comment thread here.
wow.
if there is one difficult exercise, it is to translate poems [I tried Byron two years ago and the result was miserable]; especially Mallarmé, who seems to particularly enjoy being cryptic).
The result is very good and leads me to conclude that next time I struggle with translating some damn prose by Theophile Gautier I will send everything to you! [just -half- kidding, don't worry]
This being said, one or two suggestions to your otherwise excellent translation:
- i prefer ‘invoked’ to ‘summed up’ or ‘express’ because the former could evoke spirits/gods too and the ‘Soul’, and that whole idea of artist-demiurge,in 19th c. french lit. is, I believe, very much related to that (I may be completely wrong though).
- I did like, in the valve, ‘In several rings of smoke’.
- I think that ‘Abolis’ could as well be literally translated by ‘abolished’ [there is in 'abolis' a very definite idea of something being erased or substituted, and I thing the very strong meaning of the word is somehow lost in 'driven out']
- I think the subject of ‘atteste’ is ‘cigar’, which would make something like ‘so [such?] is attesting some cigar’, but then that is really ugly and your translation sounds better.
- savamment: I think ‘knowingly’ is the idea M tries to convey here, since he is giving a ‘life’ to the cigar.
- rather ‘bright’ than ‘clear’.
- ‘If you begin [...] vile’: hey, very good translation here! it’s probably the most clever way to get out of the difficulty imposed by this verse. However I find the sonority of ‘begin’ a bit hard [if you see what I mean?] compared to commence. but then, ‘commence’ in English would sound too familiar for the tone of the poem…. [raaah!]
- Your last two lines (and I agree with you, those are not the best of the poem) render perfectly the original tone.
I apologise for the rather annoying comments I just made; please do not take them as criticism; I am amazed by the mastery you showin such a difficult exercise.
Any desire to translate Eluard?
Dear Snuggle Bunny,
What a great set of comments; thanks so much!
I’m uneasy with “invoked” because of the tension of sense with “exhale”; does “resumeé” connote divinity or mysticism? I’ve heard initial reports from surlacarte that he wants to go with “recollected,” which is suitably Proustian in my book.
“Abolished in several rings of smoke” has a nice music, it’s true; it’s gauzy, sibilant.
“Knowingly” sounds fine to me, but I worry that it connotes smugness rather than something like “thinkingness,” but oh, that non-word is deplorably Heideggerian.
I like “clear” because of the contrast with smokiness.
My desire is to read Eluard; to discover him, because I’ve never heard of him before now.
Dear Joseph,
“recollected” is quite good I must say!
The whole soul summarized
When we blow it out slowly
In a few rings of smoke
Wiped out by other rings
Some cigar attests
Knowingly burning for a bit
That the ash is separate
From its clear fire kiss
Thus the chorus of romances
Does it fly to the lips?
Exclude if you begin
The real, since vile
Your vague literature corrects
Too close a sense
yeah, that’s VERY good.